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Welcome to Belovedgems, a blog about building a bridge between faith and mental health. The author rooted in her faith , her old-soul leads her into adventures to seek spreading hope into the world through a couple of written words.

Confessions of a Grad Student

Lately I have been on a learning curve at school and work.  I just completed training for a new job and it was all good because I was getting a high score on the test. Yes, this training included readings and quizzes.  Very efficient agency, I may add. However, now there is a fear that I won't be able to apply the techniques correctly.  I have been working with children a very long time, but this population of children is new for me.  There is definitely fear of failure.

School.  School for a bit became easy, I got the hang of writing many papers and following APA format. I was confident because I got the Ethics and Legal situations quite right.  But, now it is getting clinical.  I now jump into a new learning curve and to be quite honest, my anxiety increased.  That fear of failing came right back.  As I continue to go to school, the requirements increase.  There is much more to be expected from the students.  Professors repeat, "You are in a Master’s program and more is expected". I have a lot of outside school work that takes more time that I would like to.  I need to decide in the next couple of days on a psychological theory that will define me as a professional.  This can make me or break me.  If I do not choose the right theory, I will not be able to apply it in role plays, understand it or even write about it.  Are you feeling anxious, yet? (hahaha jk) 

It has been a while since my confidence been shaken a bit.  I have been very aware of my internal dialogue.  "What is that?" "What if I get it wrong?".  "How is that going to look like?"  Too many questions and not enough faith.

I find myself praying for wisdom every night and being very bold with my heavenly father about my fears of failing.  Something I haven't done in a very long, being bold with Him.  I plea for divine guidance in my work place and divine wisdom in my academics.  I haven't asked for God's intervention in these areas ever.  Until it dawn on me, If I don't ask, how do I expect to receive.  God himself states: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (Matthew 7:7 NIV).  Now Im asking, Im pleading.

But perhaps, that is the purpose of this season, to humble myself and see that He is much greater than me.. To focus on God first, to rest in Him.
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