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Welcome to Belovedgems, a blog about building a bridge between faith and mental health. The author rooted in her faith , her old-soul leads her into adventures to seek spreading hope into the world through a couple of written words.

Single & Ready to Mingle: How to deal with Rejection.

By Rigo Cambray:

Lately I have been coming across people who are single and are in the hunt searching for a significant other. Are you that person? Then I encourage you to continue reading.
To my best of luck these wonderful and anxious people know I am in the field of counseling psychology (which by the way does not make me an expert in dating, lol)—I get bombard it with tons of questions that deal with behavior and questions that are mostly rooted from anxious thoughts of finding whether if someone likes you or not. And I being now an “experienced” single [I am been sarcastic] for a little more than 7 years due to:
        i.            I have been rejected by my crushes. *sad, crying face* Hahaha.
      ii.            Have decided to be cautious when getting in a romantic relationship due to my belief system/faith. Even within my worldview circle of people; cautiousness is always followed by that inner voice that tells you that person is not for you.
     iii.            I do not put too much effort to it, due to my academic responsibilities and/or personal goals.

I have learned the following in how to stay healthy while walking the single-life journey:

a.       Don’t focus too much in finding someone.
b.      Focus your attention in the things you enjoy doing.
c.       If you find someone who catches your interest, let it unfold on its own. Don’t push it or you will come out as being too desperate.
d.      Always get out of your comfort zone and go talk to a new person.
e.       Make new friends
f.        Admire beauty without lusting
g.      Enjoy the journey because once you meet that special someone—say goodbye to late nights of hanging out with your buddies.

h.      And lastly, enjoy your own alone time being with yourself

How can you tell if a person that you are infatuated with has the same romantic interests you have? How do I read the signs?

a.       Spend time around that person.
b.      Ask her out. Ladies, give the guy a sign. 
c.       Read his or her body language.
d.      Confess your feeling of attraction.

How do I deal with rejection?

I usually like reversing the dynamic. It has worked for me beautifully. It might not work for you though.
Reverse dynamic: Face your own fear by actually preparing yourself to be rejected. In other words, go out there and ask a girl (or two) out for a coffee with the goal of getting rejected. But please go with a positive attitude! Don’t be a jerk.
Rejection can also be approached biblically and is definitely something you should bring to prayer to God. Scripture says,
The Eternal will not abandon His people; He will not turn away from those He redeemed
Psalm 94:14The Voice (VOICE)

GOD: “… I will never forget you.”
Isaiah 49:15The Voice (VOICE)

Since God cares for you, let Him carry all your burdens and worries.
1 Peter 5:7The Voice (VOICE)
Here is what doctors say about rejection,
The first thing you have to do when you are experiencing a painful rejection is to stop the emotional 'bleeding'.

Here's how:

Develop a Zero Tolerance Attitude for Self-Criticism
Although it is natural to become self-critical after you get rejected, doing so will only deepens your psychological wound and makes it hurt more.

It's Not You, It's Them
The truth is that when dates don't work out, when employers don't hire you, when acquaintances don't want to become friends, it's almost always a matter of chemistry or match... if someone didn't want to date you it was probably because you didn't have the hair color they prefer, or the temperament, or the height, or the extracurricular interests, or the religion or political views, or like the same movies, and the list goes on. In other words, it wasn't your fault-it just wasn't the right match.

Revive Your Self-Worth:
Now that you've stopped the bleeding, you have to start to heal.
We've already established that your mood and your self-esteem took a hit-you have to revive them. One of the best ways to do this is to use self-affirmations. Not positive affirmations, but self-affirmations. Here's how:
Make a list of 5 attributes you have that are specific to the situation. For example if you were rejected by a dating partner-list qualities you have that you value and that you believe are important in relationships such as being loyal, caring, supportive, or considerate.
Now, write a brief essay (a paragraph or two) about why the quality matters and how you would express it in the relevant situation (a relationship, friendship).

Replenish Feelings of Social Connection:
Since rejections destabilizes your need to belong, it's important to remind yourself of your connections to others, that you are loved and valued, and that your 'core group' accepts you and appreciates you.

Reach out to people who care about you, who make you feel good about being you when you speak to them, or to members of your family who accept you unconditionally.
(Borrowed from Dr. G. Winch)

Now go out there and make the best of this phase of your life!!

Rigoberto Cambray who goes by Rigo,  is a strong and devoted believer of Christ and feels a passionate burden to spread the Gospel of Christ to the world through any media possible and share what God has done in his life.  He enjoys a good read, snowboarding and a good cup of coffee at Starbucks.  Connect with by clicking on his picture to direct you to his facebook page.

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